Imagine a recent time in which a friend or loved one was struggling.  Maybe they experienced a failure or were feeling insecure – some sort of emotional struggle.  What did you say to them?  How did you treat them?   Now, think about a recent time when you struggled.  What sort of things did you say to yourself (or not say)?  How did you treat yourself?    Was there a difference in these two examples?

When I ask people to imagine these two scenarios, they often report two very different experiences.     For many of us, compassion for others comes easily, but when it comes to showing compassion to ourselves, we struggle.    We’re often very critical of ourselves, even using harsh self-talk.   We are much more critical and even mean to ourselves than we would ever be to a loved one or even our worst enemy.

Here’s where self-compassion can make a difference!   Self-compassion is all about treating yourself kindly, just like you would with a good friend or loved one.   As part of her research on the topic, Kristin Neff (2016) found that there are three facets of self-compassion.  The first is mindfulness, in which we became aware and acknowledge our struggle.  The second factor is common humanity – where we realize that imperfection is part of the human condition and we are not alone in our suffering.  The third part of self-compassion is self-kindness.  With self-kindness, we avoid judging ourselves and instead comfort and support ourselves like we would a good friend.

Self-compassion is about acknowledging that we feel some sort of struggle in the moment, knowing that struggle is a normal part of life and we are not alone and then being kind to ourselves.  By showing compassion and kindness to ourselves, we reduce our stress, anxiety and depression and increase our overall mental health and well-being.

My wish for you this month and beyond is that you try to be a little nicer to yourself.  Show yourself that same kindness you show your loved ones.  Think how comforting and helpful your empathy and support is for your friends and imagine if you were able to send that same care and compassion to yourself when you needed it.  And, certainly don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up. J   If you notice you’re being self-critical, simply send some support and compassion to yourself instead – you deserve it!

For the upcoming Valentine’s Day, consider loving not only others, but yourself too!    YOU deserve Self Love!!!

Be kind to yourself and enjoy this Self Love Meditation audio I recorded for you — inspired by a Louise Hay writing.

The holiday season tends to be one of the most stressful times of the year for many.  There are lots of activities and gatherings, shopping and cooking.  With so much going on it can be difficult to maintain the self-care routines that keep us grounded.   In the midst of all the holiday hustle and bustle, it’s important to remember to take care of yourself.

Self-care is the key to maintaining health and wellness.   It’s not selfish at all – everyone around you benefits when you first take care of yourself.  Being healthy and relaxed makes it easier for you to accomplish all the things you want to do this season.  The holiday spirit comes a bit easier when you have more in your emotional and energetic tank to give.  Try to incorporate some of these tips for self-care this holiday season:

1. Relaxation – Take time to relax.  Maybe 5 – 10 minutes each day of belly breathing or yoga.  Take a hot bath or read a book.  With all of the go- go- go of the holidays, it’s important to have some down time to re-center.
2. Sleep   —  As best as you can, stick to your normal sleep patterns.   When this isn’t possible, be sure to catch up on sleep and rest.
3. Exercise  —  Don’t put your exercise routine on pause.   Keep moving!
4. Gratitude — Keep gratitude as a focus.  Instead of getting swept into the commercial aspects of the season, remember all your blessings.
5. Just Say No — When you begin to feel overwhelmed with too many commitments, feel free to say no.  You don’t have to do everything.
6. Budget — One of the biggest holiday stressors is spending too much money.  Come up with a holiday budget and stick to it – you’ll thank yourself in January.
7. Eating – It’s normal to eat more during the holidays, but just take note of how certain foods affect your mood and try to eat nourishing meals.  Maybe watch your sugar intake.
8. Water – Dehydration causes stress.   Make sure you’re drinking water.  In general, you should try to drink between ½ – 1 ounce of water daily for every pound you weigh. For example, if you weigh 150 pounds, that would be 75 to 150 ounces of water a day.

With all of the holiday excitement this time of year, remember to give yourself the gift of self-care.  You’ll experience more joy  and peace during the season if you take time for yourself.

Alternate nostril breathing is a yoga breathing technique that calms the nervous system and can also boost your energy if you’re feeling tired or stressed out.  This breathing technique helps balance both hemispheres of your brain, which helps calm your thinking and is also helpful for restful sleep.  

Try it out with this video — enjoy!

My friend Niight Wind interviewed me about biofeedback.  Check it out — here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEQihS5tjDE&feature=share&list=UU8FCka7x4amrGo1HPc6WsWA

What is resilience?…. Resilience can be defined as “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity”.  Or “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”.  Stress resilience is essentially the ability to recover quickly from stressors – to bounce back.  Those with emotional and stress resilience tend to accept what comes at them with flexibility rather than rigidity — ie.  “this is tough, but I know things will get better”.  Resilience makes me think of an old country song….  “There’s a tree out in the back yard that never has been broken by the wind… and the reason it’s still standing… it was Strong Enough to Bend”.  The tree was resilient and resilience is something that we can learn to have.  Here are some traits of resilient people from Psychology Today.  Happy Resilience! 

1. They know their boundaries.   Resilient people know the difference between themselves and temporary suffering. 
2. They keep good company.  Resilient people tend to associate with resilient people. 
3. They cultivate self-awareness.  Having a healthy self-awareness enables us to identify our physical and psychological needs.
4. They practice acceptance.   Acceptance is not about giving up and letting the stress take over, it’s about leaning in to experience the full range of emotions and trusting that we will bounce back.
5. They’re willing to sit in silence.   Mindfulness — being in the presence of the moment without judgment or avoidance. It takes practice, but it’s one of the purest forms of healing and resilience-building.
6. They don’t have to have all the answers.  We can find strength in knowing that it’s okay to not have it all figured out and trusting that we will gradually find peace and knowing when our mind-body-soul is ready.
7. They have a menu of self-care habits.  Resilient people “do self-care”.  Whether it’s yoga, exercise, nature, breathing — have self-care that  works for you.  For self-care inspiration, check out Karen Horneffer-Ginter’s, self-care poster.
8. They enlist their team.  The most resilient among us know how to reach out for help.
9. They consider the possibilities.  We can train ourselves to ask which parts of our current story are permanent and which can possibly change. Can this situation be looked at in a different way that I haven’t been considering?
10. They get out of their head.  We can find reprieve by getting the thoughts out of our head and onto our paper.  Journaling and writing can be very healing.

 Namaste,

Gratitude is something we generally focus on during the Thanksgiving season, but is something we can incorporate into our daily lives for many great benefits.  Studies show that cultivating a sense of gratitude can help you maintain a more positive mood.  Research has shown that people who feel gratitude are happier, report more life satisfaction and less stress.  Grateful people are less likely to be depressed, anxious and lonely.

So, being grateful all year long seems like a great idea when we look at all of the benefits.  Cultivating a sense of gratitude isn’t difficult at all.  Here are some different ideas to help you get starting having an attitude of gratitude.

• Keep a Gratitude Journal — spend some time every day writing down what you are grateful for– they can be simple things or big things — just try to switch it up every day.
• “Up” of the Day — this is one I’ve practiced in the past with my husband.  Every night, we would report to the other what our “up” of the day was.  It’s looking at the positive moments of the day that you are grateful for.
• Say Thanks — send a note, text, e-mail to someone you are grateful for — let them know — this is a win-win interaction.

In the 1954 movie “White Christmas”, Bing Crosby sings a song called “Count Your Blessings.  The main lyrics are “When I’m worried and can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep and fall asleep counting my blessings.  When my bankroll is getting small and I think of when I had none at all, I fall asleep counting my blessings.”  So count and list your blessings and you will feel less stress and more happiness.

In closing, let me tell you how grateful I am for you, my readers, my patients, my friends and family and for the opportunity to help people experience less stress and healthier, more balanced lives.

Happy Thanksgiving!
 Namaste,

joy meditation

Check out this article from Yoga Journal — biofeedback helps headaches!  They even site a study that found 85% of adult participants who learned biofeedback techniques showed significant symptom reduction in severity, duration, and frequency of headaches.

Check out this article:  http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/244753.php.

In this study, teens who practiced yoga had better mental health!